Equ1n0x.net - Where ideas come to die.

Awwww Yeah

2007-08-14T10:37:00.001-07:00

Rules for a Platonic Friendship

2006-11-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

I came across this on the internet today and thought it was really great.

Rules for a platonic friendship (i.e. follow these rules if you just want to be my friend):

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

I'm a DJ, not your personal Jukebox

2006-10-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

It all starts out great, out to dinner with a girl I seem to like and am really starting to 'click' with. I happen to mention that I'm a DJ. Big mistake.

"Oh! So you know a lot about music, right!?"
"...Sure."

A blatant lie, I'll admit. I know a _LOT_ about music; I just don't want to let on that I do.

"So do you wanna make me some CD's?"
"...No."

The date scenario is mearly an example. I find that personal friends are more inclined to beg for music. A lot of the time I feel a little rude or out of place to say no. No doubt I've outed a few friends for not 'sharing the wealth.' I don't say no to be a jackass; there's actually a few factors involved:

1. I'm bound by RIAA license - Legally (obviously) I am the sole owner of my music library. I pay enormous fees on a year basis to be able to legally play my music at events. To share my music is not only immoral, it's illegal too. If the RIAA revoked my license it would effectively end my business.

2. Sure, I get prerelease songs, but I'm not sharing them with you - I subscribe to a service called "Promo Only." The disc is literally called "Promo Only." These songs aren't publicly available for a few weeks (maybe a month) after I get the CD. I had SexyBack and London Bridges before all of you, deal with it. I just get sick of it a month before you do. No, I won't share my "Promo Only" discs with you, they're for promo ONLY. ;-)

3. I've worked hard and paid a lot for my library - I've worked countless hundreds of hours on my library. I've worked to get the money to build my library to what it is. Every single song in my library is legitamate (all 50,000). Think about that, at the current .99 iTunes price, that's $49,500 worth of music. I've obviously put more into it than that since I own physical copies of a lot of stuff. You want music, pay iTunes .99. My music is waaaaay to expensive :)

There you have it, 3 great reasons to stop asking me for music. I'm a DJ, not your personal JukeBox. However, if you're looking to pay, my personal JukeBox fee runs about $85/hour. Find us at Gigmasters.com

Something Interesting

2006-07-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

I came across an inspiring story today while stumbling the internet. It goes like this:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old,
and the well needed to be covered up anyway.
He concluded it wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey,
he decided to just bury him instead.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Slowly he quited down until nothing more was heard.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished.
With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge
of the well and trotted off.

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.
We can get out of the deepest wells by not stopping, never giving up,
shaking it off, and taking a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart of hatred.
2. Free your mind of worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Eventually the donkey came back and kicked the hell out of the farmer that tried to bury him.

Moral of the story: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get even with you.